Marriage Isn’t What You Think It Is


hi I’m Laura Miolla from Moxie Life
Coach and today I’m talking about marriage and what you think marriage is
most of our society has this idea about marriage this Disney inspired vision of
true love romantic love to last a lifetime and yet clearly that’s not
borne out in reality considering how many people get divorced in this country
and that idea marriage is about love that’s really interesting because
technically marriage is nothing more than a legal contract that’s all it is a
legal contract and yet we put so many things on top of that so much
expectations so much assumption both of which will sabotage you because this
idea of marriage purely as a symbol of romantic love is very limiting it’s very
limiting because now everything has to be a certain way it’s really interesting
especially with the women I work with going through divorce there’s always a
grieving period there’s a time when they’re really struggling not
with the end of their marriage or the reality of what their marriage was
they’re struggling with the fact that they had a dream about what marriage was
supposed to be and that was never fulfilled and that feels like a loss and
it is a loss and it’s only because we are fed this dream we hold this belief
that we become so disappointed later so let me tell you what marriage is
marriage is legal contract and when two people commit to each other they’re
committing to each other legally there’s legal implications to a marriage people
never think about that when they’re planning a wedding
they never think about those things what they are thinking about is marriage this
idea of true love is the destination it’s my goal it’s what I’ve been trying
to get to in my life it becomes a standard a milestone like I’ve achieved
this because everyone around me has achieved that it’s expected it’s what we
do and it actually puts a relationship on a very singular track and heaps a ton
of expectation on that so one of my clients that I worked with through
her divorce and then after her divorce as she reinvented her life
her career started dating and she met someone and within weeks they’re asking
each other this question where’s this going where’s it supposed to go
is this a train where are we going and there was this idea that I don’t
want to invest my time in you until I know where this is going okay so
let’s break that down okay where this is going is good that question of where is
this going it’s really saying are we going to get committed to each other are
we going to move it forward is there a possibility of marriage in the future
and I think that’s really a question that’s driven not by love but
by fear there’s this idea of risk and I want to take risk out of this
relationship so that I can feel secure and stable and that’s what marriage does
marriage actually tethers you to another person it puts you on that
singular track and says okay no matter what happens around us you can’t change
you were committed to me in sickness and in health for richer for poorer so no
matter what happens no matter what happens with me
no matter how I treat you you are stuck with me
we’re handcuffed together on this path that question is driven by fear not love
love says I’m not thinking about the future I’m thinking about the fact that
I enjoy you right now in this moment where I am powerful where I can choose I
choose you of all the other things I could choose I choose you and I’m going
to choose to be the person that chooses you that cherishes you that makes you
feel that way and you do that for me every day until you don’t it’s so much
more powerful to say you are free to choose and yet I still choose you you
don’t need a legal contract for that you’re choosing each other every day and
that’s what happens with marriages so people go through the whole honeymoon
phase and then they get married and then things settle down they settle down
because now we’re secure there’s no risk you can’t leave even if you wanted to so
I can do whatever I want you’re still tied to me and that’s when all the zing
goes out of the relationship because people aren’t intentional they’re not
present with each other they’re not connected they’re not proactive at
maintaining that connection at making the other person feel chosen and
cherished every day so again you can think anything you want about marriage
it’s a very personal choice and you can have some very personal reasons for
choosing that that’s great just understand and differentiate what
you want it to be for you versus what the outside world is telling you to do
choose for yourself rethink some of these ideas that we have about these
institutions because you still have choice here and you can change your
relationships based on being intentional and present and knowing what you want so
I hope that makes sense I hope it’s valuable I you can go to
MoxieLifeDivorce.com or MoxieLifeLeadership.com for more articles and
videos or you can schedule a free consultation with me I’d love to hear
your feedback until my next video speak your
truth even when your voice shakes

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