Kroll Show – Bobby BottleService – Wedding Planner


OH, YOU’RE GONNA ASK ME,
“HEY, BOBBY BOTTLESERVICE,
HOW CAN YOU DO THIS
ALL ON YOUR OWN?”
[bleep]ING CHILL OUT,
AND LET ME ANSWER THE QUESTION
BEFORE YOU ASSAULT ME LIKE THAT.
I’M NOT GONNA DO IT
BY MYSELF, ALL RIGHT?
‘CAUSE I’VE GOT MY BEST FRIEND
IN THE WORLD,
PETER PAPARAZZO, HERE…
– [chortles]
TO HANDLE
ALL THE PHOTOGRAPHY.
– BRIDAL PARTY,
BRIDE AND GROOM,
ASIAN, ANAL, UPSKIRT.
– I’M GONNA PUT TOGETHER
THE MOST AMAZING WEDDING
YOU’D EVER IMAGINE
IN YOUR LIFE,
WHICH IS HOW I IMAGINE
MY MARRIAGE TO BE,
TO THE ONLY WOMAN
I’VE EVER LOVED–
[voice breaks]
MY MOTHER.
WELCOME
TO THE BOBBY BOTTLESERVICE
FULL-SERVICE WEDDING SERVICE
COMMERCIAL. [camera shutter clicks] – WELCOME TO THE WEDDING. – THAT TOO.
– BRIDE. BRIDE! GIVE ME YOUR EYES!
GIVE ME YOUR EYES! – SO DO YOU, TIM, TAKE AMY
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD? EVEN THOUGH, GENETICALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN
TO HER, WITH HER MOTHER? – I DO, I DO.
– YOU DO? NICE, LET’S DO THIS. – LET’S DO THIS.
– LET’S DO IT. – LET’S DO THIS.
– LET’S DO THIS. – BY THE POWER
OF THIS VEST ON ME– SHOTS. [booming dance music] YO, WE’RE HAVING
A GREAT TIME HERE AT THE BOBBY BOTTLESERVICE FULL-SERVICE WEDDING SERVICE
COMMERCIAL!
YOU GOTTA HIRE ME
TO HANDLE YOUR WEDDING.
IT’S LIKE, BOBBY’S GONNA BE
THERE TO [bleep]ING BRING IT,
WHETHER OR NOT,
WE’RE COMING THROUGH!
YO, I LOVE THIS PLA–
I LOVE THIS PARTY.
I LOVE TO DO THIS
FOR MORE THAN ANYTHING.
– YOU KNOW WHAT?
EVERYONE HAD A FUN TIME,
SO I’M HAPPY.
I’D RECOMMEND HIM TO ANYONE.
– OKAY, I SAY VERY MUCH
WITH PROFESSIONALISM,
CALL NOW, VIA TEXT MESSAGE,
AND I’LL GET BACK TO YOU
WITH A VERY PROFESSIONAL THING.
ON THAT NOTE, VERY MUCH
I WOULD SAY TO YOU BOTH,
MAZEL TOV.
both: NOT JEWISH.
– THANK GOD,
‘CAUSE THEY KILLED–
YOU KNOW WHO THEY KILLED?

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