How to Write Truly Tasteless Wedding Vows

How to Write Truly Tasteless Wedding Vows. Can we be frank? No one cares about your vows except you. Which is exactly why you should feel free
to indulge your every wedding whim. You will need Self-absorption Cheesiness and
no shame. Step 1. Make your vows sexy. Say things that make everyone—old and young
alike—cringe with embarrassment. Step 2. Treat your vows like a stand-up routine. Step 3. Include lots of inside jokes. Who cares if no one at the service knows what
the hell you’re talking about? This day is about you. Step 4. Set your vows in iambic pentameter. Everyone loves amateur poetry. Step 5. Make your promises so touchy-feely, lovey-dovey,
ooey, gooey, that your loved ones want to gag. Step 6. For truly memorable vows, break into song—preferably
one you wrote yourself. Step 7. Make your vows as long as possible. Hey, you may not have a captive audience like
this ever again. Did you know Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s
wedding vows included a promise to make milkshakes. The marriage lasted four years.


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