Experimenting (Literally) in College


– Oh, my god. This picture of me from college
just popped up on my feed. – You’re a widdle baby. – Oh, I wish I could
go back to college. It was a crazy time for me. – College is perfect for
experimenting and trying new things. – Mm-hmm, new sex stuff. – [GASPS] For me, it
was drugs and alcohol. – Yeah. – How about you Klaus? – I conducted many
experiments which defied the laws of God and man. – Oh, wow. Cool. Yeah, I mean, hey, that’s
what college is for, right? – Totally. College is when I realized
I like both men and women. – Me too! – Me too. Man, woman, it matters not. They are all sacks of flesh,
interchangeable like children’s plastic building blocks. – Exactly. Oh, my god, I mean, the
stories that I could tell. – Oh, I have so many stories. – The tomes of madness I have
writ could feel 100 libraries. – Totally. Now, for me, college was the
first time I had an orgy. – [GASPS] – Just young people exploring
each other’s bodies– it was beautiful. – Oh. – One time I was at
a party with my bros, and we were going crazy on
this formaldehyde drink. – Oh, formaldehyde, yeah, that’s
vodka and absinthe, right? – It’s a substance
used to embalm bodies. – I haven’t had that. – One of my classmates
passed out at a party, and I did a prank on him
by removing his brain and hiding it in
the dean’s office. – Dude. – Ho-ho! Ho-ho! – Aha! Ha-ha-ha. – Is he OK? – Yeah, he’s fine. He made an app that
tells you all the places you can find avocado toast. – Toaster? I use that all the time. – Child’s play! I am the only person
who dared to [INAUDIBLE] as a mad scientist. They no nothing of the power
I wield over life and death! – Still, it would be nice to
have the money from that app, right. – Mm. – Yeah. – Do you guys ever wish you
did college differently? – Sometimes. But mistakes are such a part of
the learning process, you know? That’s how you grow. – Yeah, that’s true. I mean, I cheated on my
first boyfriend in college. – Jess! – I know. But I have never
cheated on anyone again. – Oh, yeah. I sewed the head of a Great
Dane to the body of a man, and now the dog/man terrorizes
villagers in the Swiss Alps. – You didn’t – Do I regret it? No. Did I learn from it? After four to five
more tries, yeah. Now I have a loyal beast
man to do my bidding. – You better do your bidding
soon because we’re not getting any younger. – Tell me about it. – God, I know. If I party now like I did in
college, I’d feel it for days. – Oh, to desecrate a cemetery
like I did in my 20s. [DISTANT SCREAMING] – You know what? At least we still have
the memories, right? College, what a
time to be alive. – Hey, you said it. And it’s almost happy hour. – [GASPS] – You guys coming? – Why don’t get a start now? – [GASPS] – Oh! – [CHUCKLING] – Klaus, you little sneak. – Oh! – A couple of beers
in the backpack, that’s a total college move. – I love it. Ooh, what is it? – It’s my own personal
concoction, a powerful elixir that will put you
in a catatonic state so I may harvest your
organs and body parts to create a creature most foul. [CHUCKLES] – Jeez, talk about a hangover. – Well, you had me at catatonic. [LAUGHTER] – Ooh. [EVIL LAUGHTER]

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