Day 16- Your Partner isn’t into Wedding Planning As Much as You


(swing music) – It’s day 16 of the Bridechilla 30 days of wedding planning. I’m Aleisha, I’m the
founder of Bridechilla and the host of the Bridechilla Podcast. There’s a microphone in
the background to prove it. I want to help you plan your wedding without losing your marbles. And also maintain the chill. This should be an enjoyable
part of your life, not feeling pressure
and being weighed down by obligation and debt and worry. We want to throw all that shit away, put it in the fuck it bucket, and hopefully get you on
the path to wedding planning chill, bliss, etc. Today, I am talking all about
getting your partner involved. If you feel like wedding
planning is a bit of a one sided task at the moment, then I’m going to give
you a couple of quick ways to get your partner involved, and hopefully ensure that
you’re working as a team. Because a wedding requires two people. Two people to stand up in front
of their family and friends, or no one if you want to do
it alone, absolutely fine. And make a commitment to each other. That you are going to be a team. So I always struggle when
people connect with me and ask questions in
the Bridechilla Podcast and in the Facebook group,
the Bridechilla Community, and say, I’m really struggling beause my partner seems
very disinterested. Or my partner hasn’t contributed at all, and I feel like I’m
doing this all on my own, and I’m struggling. It can be really frustrating. But if you are new to wedding planning, or even if you’re six
months down the track, I want to give you some guidance
and hopefully some advice to get that other person off
their ass, and into planning. Now, if you are new and
you haven’t started, and you’re just watching these videos as an introduction to wedding planning, or if you’re in the very early stages, I really hope you will
go back to episode two and follow some of the
advice that I shared. And that is having a
conversation with your partner about your mutual expectations
of the wedding day. So often, women, and I
hate gendering things, but I feel like there’s
a certain element of it being put on the female’s shoulders because we’re supposed
to have a wedding dream, and we’re supposed to
figure out what we want, which I think is absolute bullshit, because I certainly didn’t. Again, I talk about that in episode three. But the idea that women will take charge, it’s our day, we’ll
make all the decisions, the guy’s an idiot, he’ll just figure out what the bar’s going to serve, and he might be given
permission to put a couple of tracks on the music list. (sigh) It’s just so cliche and
boring and stuck in the 1950s that it makes me want to scream. But if you do not ask your partner, if you don’t work together, if you don’t both contribute ideas, if you don’t have a plan together, then at sometimes it’s
hard for the other person to jump on board because
from their perspective, even if they want to be a part of it, they might be thinking, well, my partner’s already got plans. They already know what they want. They already decided to go through it all. I feel a bit hopeless. Maybe I’m a bit lazy, I don’t know. And they’ll just do it, it’s fine. So of course, I’ve been in situations where someone’s taken
the lead and I’m like, alright well it’s their project, I don’t want to step on
toes, I’ll let them do it. Not my wedding, but
certainly in the work place, and in other situations in my life. If there’s a dominant figure,
someone making all the calls, it can sometimes be challenging to step in and go, sorry, excuse me,
have you thought about doing it this way? Have you? And especially from a
partner’s perspective, if you are this like guiding
light, this driving force, that’s got a plan, you’re
getting it done, you’re an idiot, not that you’re saying you’re an idiot, but no, I don’t want that,
this not what I want, then of course. They’re probably going
to step back and go, fine, I just, I’m not going
to get, this is not going to, I’m not going to bother. So, if you have a plan together, if you have a conversation, if you make regular
wedding planning dates, and whether that’s sitting
down with a bottle of whiskey, or a cup of tea. And going through checklists, going through a plan for the week. Not making it a task. Making it something that
you are achieving together. I guarantee you that your partner, no matter whether they’re a boy or a girl, again, I’m not gendering this in any way, but they will feel like
they’re a part of the team, and they will want to contribute. This also doesn’t just
mean allocating them shitty jobs that you don’t want to do. That is not a way to win this problem. I’ve seen people go, yeah,
so here’s all the things I don’t like doing, I’ll
just, you can do this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, ’cause I fuckin’ hate
that, and that’s you. You’re involved. And they’re just going
to be going, listen, that doesn’t interest me at all. I want to work together. So be mindful of it not
becoming some sort of totalitarian regime, you
need to work together. And I guarantee if you
are asking for input, and you are working together, the other person will
feel a lot more obliged and interested, and
enthusiastic to take part in planning the day. Because a wedding is about two people. Not just about one lone person. It’s about the union. It’s about bringing
together two fellow weirdos and declaring their love,
and declaring that they will put up with each other for
an extended period of time. And it’s fun, and it should be fun. There it is. Let me check what’s coming up tomorrow on the Bridechilla 30
days of wedding planning. Oh yeah, quotes and contracts. And you might be like (snores) Aleisha, that sounds so boring. But I promise you that if you do not do this properly, if you do not think about
your wedding planning, and the interactions
you have with vendors, like a sassy business broad, someone who is respectful
of the amount of time that you’ve worked to save up money, or the contributions that you’re receiving from wedding donors and
then going into these relationships with a
professional business manner, it can get you in deep shit. Contracts are really important. Negotiating and making
sure that you’re getting what you want and the vendors
are getting what they want, and you come together in
a way that suits you both is really the foundation of making sure everything works. And you get this sassy amazing
wedding at the end of it. Quotes and contracts. Promise I’ll make it fun and interesting. And give you a couple of tips, especially if you are
choosing to work with friends, or frienders as well in the process. Thank you so much for
tuning in and watching. If you’re enjoying this, share it with someone that you like. Or share it with someone,
not that you don’t like, because I don’t, I want to
attract people obviously that are like-minded. If you don’t like them,
I won’t question why. But, if you have a
friend that is struggling with wedding stress, or
wedstress as I like to call it, and really needs a bit of a
push in the right direction, into the Bridechilla direction, then may I suggest that
you share these videos. And get involved with the
Bridechilla Community. The Facebook page is
such a great place to be. It’s a positive wedding forum, and it is a dickhead
free zone, there it is. Thank you so much again. Until tomorrow, I wish you happy days. (swing music)

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